2008 in review...

As we prepare to enter 2009 I wanted to take a few minutes and reflect on 2008. This has been a year of many changes in my life. I graduated college with my AAS in Human Services. I became an aunt once again. I left one job and started another one. I completed foster care classes. I have made several wonderful friends. I have spent another year married to a wonderful husband. But most of all I have started going to church again. I don't make any new years resolutions, I don't feel it is right for me. I don't wait until a new year is about to start to make goals and try to challenge myself. I feel this needs to be done throughout the year. It is important to always keep an eye on yourself and your goals and always work toward ways to improve your life and the life of those around you.

Things I look forward to in 2009

Starting foster care... We still need to finish the homestudy and I have to go to the Drs for a physical.

Start working toward my BA degree in Social Work.

Continue going to church and strengthen my relationship with God.

AND buy a book written by another blogger... which can be pre ordered here

Merry Christmas. ( edited to add pics)

Merry Christmas everyone!!! I will try to post later today or tomorrow with pics from Christmas Day... If you really want to see Christmas pics before then... check out my entry from last Christmas.. all decorations are the same... Greg and I have opened our gifts... we each got a cowboys jersey... I got bedroom slippers and a ped egg.. he got socks and an Playstation 2 game... now we are getting ready to head to my brothers house.

EDITED TO ADD PICS!!!

WOW what a busy day. When we got home from my brothers house I finished dinner, we ate then we went to visit more friends this evening. Here are some pictures from today and yesterday.

In Memory of Mom....

I wanted to get this post out before tomorrow. I have gone through this time line for 2 years now. I know exactly what I was doing and what time 2 years ago today. I will share that with you all
Dec 24.
5AM-- got up, and started getting Madison's Christmas stuff together.( had to blow up a Dora ball pit thingy)

7AM-- Break time.. sat and drank coffee with mom and also ate breakfast.

9AM-- time for a shower and get dressed

10AM-- doing last minute things before my brother, sister in law and Madison came to moms for Christmas Eve. ( It was planned ahead of time that we do Christmas at moms house on Christmas Eve)

11AM-- Jimmy and them arrive. we exchange gifts, eat, talk, laugh, and play with Madison

2PM-- Jimmy and them leave. Mom and I lay down for a nap...

4PM-- I wake up, Greg was playing his xbox, mom was still sleeping

5PM-- I try to wake mom and ask her what she would like for dinner, she told me she didn't feel good and didn't want anything right yet

6PM-- I have checked on Mom several times, I do start getting worried.

7PM-- Mom calls me back to her room, says she is hot, fan is running on high, she wants to lay on tile floor to try to cool off,... she was not totally with it, I couldn't keep her awake. I start asking her to go to the ER, and she says no, she doesn't want to.

7:30 PM-- Mom is getting worse, I can't keep her awake at all, I decide its best to call the ambulance. Only thing she would say is about delivering Christmas gifts to the neighbors.

8PM-- They take mom to ER, I call Jimmy and let him know whats going on. I also deliver the gifts to the neighbors.

9PM-- I get to the ER.. Dr tells me mom is "very very sick". They did blood work and were doing more. They said she had an infection somewhere.

10PM-- The Dr says they are admitting her, by this time, mom was in severe pain... kept yelling " OUCH", she wouldn't respond to me or anyone else by this time. I call Jimmy to let him know what is going on. He comes to the hospital.

12AM-- Jimmy and I are talking while standing by mom. We are both really worried. They haven't got moms room ready yet, and said it may be a while longer. So we leave the hospital. we both tell mom we will see her in the morning and that we love her.

I go home, and try to get some sleep. Greg and I decided I would get up early, run to the hospital to see mom, come back, make Christmas dinner, and take Christmas to mom depending on how she felt.

Dec 25

8 AM-- I wake up and call the hospital, mom is in her room, but didn't answer the phone. I call and talk to the nurse. She said she just left moms room, gave mom her meds, which she took fine. She also said mom was up and talking to her. She asked if I wanted to talk to mom, I told her no, but to please let mom know I was on my way over and would be there soon.

830AM-- I get to the hospital, and couldn't remember what room mom was in so I had to ask. I got up to moms room, which was FULL of people. There was her nurse, a Dr, and several other people I have no clue who they were. The Dr came over and asked if I was related, I say yes, and she literally pulled me into the hall way. and told me mom had just passed away.

I totally lost it, I started screaming and crying. I managed to pull myself together to call Greg, and to call Jimmy. I was there what seemed like forever by myself with mom. I did talk to her, I cried, I hugged her. We decided we wanted an autopsy done to find out what happened. Even the Dr didn't know.


12PM-- we leave the hospital and head home. We all sat down, and talked, we knew what mom wanted. We gathered her life insurance. We notify the rest of the family.

3PM-- Jimmy left to go be with Denise and Madison for the remainder of Christmas.

4PM-- Through tears Greg and I opened our gifts. We each had 1 special gift from mom that neither of us know what it was. mine was a precious moments angel.

5pm-- We havent eaten anything so we knew we had to to, all I could manage to eat was a bowl of cereal.

after dinner, Greg and I talked, laughed, cried, and held each other. It was the worse Christmas anyone could ever imagine.


I miss mom more than words can describe. I thought it would get better or a little easier with time, but this year is so much harder than it was last year. Although last year I was on an anti depressant, and this year I ain't.

Dear Santa.....

I am so sure Santa reads blogs to... at least I hope. It is to late to send a letter to Santa so I am hoping he reads it here. I am sure if he Googles it he will find it.

Dear Santa,
I have been a very good girl this year. This year my Christmas list will be very short. You don't even have to stop at my house this year. All I want for Christmas is snow. Ya know that white stuff that falls from the sky... makes everything look so pretty, and makes all this cold weather more bearable. Thats all I want... let it snow let it snow let it snow...

Love
Roni

If anyone has any snow pictures... share them please... or better yet... help Santa bring me SNOW!!!!

This is FUNNY~~~ Elf Yourself.. Scott stlye

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

update on Memorial Service tonight....

Well after talking to the man that is in charge of the service this year... my time is being cut short...Therefore I had to cut out the poems I wanted to say... Please think about me and the families who will be attending this year.They don't even recognize my children that I lost because I was not able to carry them full term.. Also please pray for all families who have lost children way to early. This is now what I plan on saying... ( in front of about 250-300 people)

Good Evening. My name is Veronica Scott. First of all I would like to thank Brook Hill Church, for continuing this memorial service after my parents and grandmother passed away. 18 years ago my father organized the first interfaith memorial service for families of deceased children. Some of you may already know the story, but for those who are attending for the first time, I would like to share this. There was a lady my father worked with, who lost her young son. She asked my father if he knew of anyplace that held a memorial service for families who have lost children. Dad did a lot of research and couldn’t find any. He decided to organize one. He made all the preparations, and the first service was held the second Thursday in December of 1990. There were about 20 people in attendance. My mom and grandmother baked cookies, made cakes, and took care of all the refreshments. They did this each year. Dad would work on it all year long, and start final preparations in September. Mom and Grandma would start baking on Black Friday each year. In July 2004 dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. One of dads final concerns was to insure that this service would continue. Brook Hill assured him that it would and he passed away Sept. 8 2004. Grandma passed away December 14, 2004 due to complications related to diabetes. December 2006, a week before Christmas, mom and I were having one of our many conversations about how we missed dad and grandma. She then told me all she wanted for Christmas was to be reunited with them. Christmas morning my mother received her only Christmas wish. She was reunited with my father and her mother.

Memorial Service .......

It is that time of year again for the memorial service for families that have lost children. They are once again doing a little memorial at the begining for dad, mom and grandma. I will be speaking to the families and lighting a candle in their memory. This is what I have prepared for this year...

Good Evening. My name is Veronica Scott. First of all I would like to thank Brook Hill Church, for continuing this memorial service after my parents and grandmother passed away. 18 years ago my father organized the first interfaith memorial service for families of deceased children. Some of you may already know the story, but for those who are attending for the first time, I would like to share this. There was a lady my father worked with, who lost her young son. She asked my father if he knew of anyplace that held a memorial service for families who have lost children. Dad did a lot of research and couldn’t find any. He decided to organize one. He made all the preparations, and the first service was held the second Thursday in December of 1990. There were about 20 people in attendance. My mom and grandmother baked cookies, made cakes, and took care of all the refreshments. They did this each year. Dad would work on it all year long, and start final preparations in September. Mom and Grandma would start baking on Black Friday each year. In July 2004 dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. One of dads final concerns was to insure that this service would continue. Brook Hill assured him that it would and he passed away Sept. 8 2004. Grandma passed away December 14, 2004 due to complications related to diabetes. December 2006, a week before Christmas, mom and I were having one of our many conversations about how we missed dad and grandma. She then told me all she wanted for Christmas was to be reunited with them. Christmas morning my mother received her only Christmas wish. She was reunited with my father and her mother. I would like to share 2 poems with you all tonight.

I thought of you with love today but that is nothing new
I thought about you yesterday and days before that too,
I think of you in silence I often speak your name
All I have are memories and your picture in a frame
Your memory is my keepsake with which I’ll never part
God has you in His keeping I have you in my heart.
As We Look Back

As we look back over time
We find ourselves wondering .....
Did we remember to thank you enough
For all you have done for us?
For all the times you were by our sides
To help and support us .....
To celebrate our successes
To understand our problems
And accept our defeats?
Or for teaching us by your example,
The value of hard work, good judgement,
Courage and integrity?
We wonder if we ever thanked you
For the sacrifices you made.
To let us have the very best?
And for the simple things
Like laughter, smiles and times we shared?
If we have forgotten to show our
Gratitude enough for all the things you did,
We're thanking you now.
And we are hoping you knew all along,
How much you meant to us.

No Time for a Diet.... the Menu....and other odds and ends

Well this is defiantly not the time to even think about a diet. As I have done in all previous years I am preparing Thanksgiving dinner, and we invite friends over that either don't have family in the area, or have no family at all. There will be people in and out from noon until sometime late that night. Dinner will be ready at 4pm. Here is this years menu. Turkey, stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes, baked corn, green bean casserole, sweet potato pie,and pumpkin pie. Yes I know there is only 2 of us defiantly going to be here, but we have had some friends say they will stop by, only one of which I know will be here. 3 people... all this food.... we should have turkey still left by Christmas lol.

If my parents were still here, yesterday would have been their 37th wedding anniversary. They were very much in love until dad passed away, even after that mom was so heart broken over it. The autopsy for mom may have said pancriatitis, but if anyone died of a broken heart it was mom. When dad passed, it wasn't long until her mother passed away. She then lost contact with her brothers and her sister, mom gave up on living. Mom lived just long enough to spend one year with her grand daughter, and then she was ready to be with her husband and mother again.

I hope and pray you all have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving day. This year I have many things to be thankful for. I have a wonderful husband, who loves me and takes care of me. My brother and sister in law whom I love and care for. They have made me an aunt 2 times now. My niece and nephew and the most precious kids I have ever seen. ( I know I may be a little prejudice) My friends, both online and in real life. My cousin Robin who I lost contact for many years, and have recently started talking to her again. I hope one day I will be able to see her, her husband and her children. It has been to long ago that I last saw them. But most of all I am Thankful for such a wonderful God, who has seen me through good times and bad times. I may have questioned my faith, but he has always been there waiting for me to come back to him. I am thankful for a job, although I don't like it, it is a job and that is something many people don't have.

I know I know...

I know... I didn't blog for a while.. I have been so busy. I haven't even read all the blogs I try to keep up on. I wanted to write this one as soon as I saw this quiz.. go ahead and take it and see how you do..

76 As a 1930s wife, I am Very Superior Take the test!

Did you Vote???

WOOOHOOO I voted.... now to wait for the results
I even got my FREE Starbucks coffee.

Early Election watching...

I saw this on another blog. and thought it was really neat. I am really excited to get out tomorrow and cast my vote. I won't say who I am voting for... Whatever you do... make sure you get out there and vote!!

Another weekend done....

Most people look forward to the weekends... NOT ME!! I work on weekends...every weekend since August. I am looking for a new job right now, but it is so hard with the economy right now. No one is hiring. I come home, I am frustrated and I feel defeated every time. I just don't think this job is a good match for me and my interest and abilities. I want to be efective in my job, and here I know I am not. I want to be able to help people... hence my Human Services degree. Right now I feel that all the money I have spent on college was a waste. Not much else going on here really... and don't want to depress anyone with everything going on here right now.

National Blogging Month...

I have joined up for national blogging month. Each day for the month of November I will be posting an entry. http://www.nablopomo.com/ is where I went to sign up. So here we go....

Things here are busy as usual. I have 2 more foster classes to attend, and then its time for the home study. That I am really stressed about. I want everything to be perfect. I am still watching my God daughter during the week, and working another job on the weekends, I was working 3 evenings a week but the new supervisor has cut my hours. I was reading another blog, and now has me thinking.... its almost time for Christmas again!! How did this year pass by so fast? It cant be that time of year again. I have so much to do, and less than 2 months to do it. I am starting my shopping next weekend though. I guess I will get what I can from Kmart because I LOVE lay a way. Don't forget... tonight everyone get an extra hour of sleep... turn those clocks back and change the batteries in the smoke detectors.

HELP PLEASE

ok I know a few people with blogs read this... and I really need help. I use to have journals on AOL,.... well AOL is doing away with them, and giving the option of transferring everything to blogger... I don't need 3 different blogs and want to move everything to this one... but am not sure how. How do I transfer things from one blogger account to another? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Private posts...

There are some things that I want to say... but want to keep it private ya know password protected so only those whom I allow to read it can... problem is I don't know how to do this.. can someone please tell me how.. Thanks

The day after.....

I had a nice chat with Greg about things that are bothering me last night. Let me tell you... I feel a whole lot better already. I know the situations haven't changed, but my thoughts and feelings have. I feel more relaxed,and more confident in myself. I guess it did help a lot that I didn't have to work last night to, a much needed time to relax and get my thoughts together. I am still really nervous about the foster care classes that start tomorrow. Will I make a good parent? Will I know how to handle the children that come into our care? Will I like the child or better yet, will the child like me? Will I be able to help make a positive change in the childs life? Will the child feel good being in our care? Will they feel safe and loved? How will I handle if a child leaves our care to go back home? Will I be betraying our children who are not with us by caring for another child? There are so many thoughts and questions I have for myself. I have spent many years thinking about this, praying for an answer in what to do. I feel this is what the Lord has planned for us. Somewhere out there, there is a child who is waiting on someone to adopt them. They may have siblings ( which if offered we will accept also), there will be issues that need to be addressed. But even with everything... they are still a child... a child looking for somewhere to call home.... a forever family. Tomorrow is also my nieces 3rd birthday. I can't believe she will be 3 years old already. It seems like yesterday she was born. Now the only thing left for me to worry about BESIDES the presidential election ( and that is another post) is my other job. I know the Lord has a plan in store for me....I just wish I knew what it was.

which way is up???

There is so much going on in my life right now. I love watching Kaylee through the week, she is usually really good. But there is also a lot of confusion. My other job, with Spectrum Support, is starting to get to me a little. The main supervisor for the area has resigned, and the house lead person is now also looking for another job.... why?? because a higher up from the company has been coming up every week.... All I know is that one of the clients has been told... and we have been told... that he can do what ever he wants. I can understand this TO A POINT. He needs to be able to do things, and enjoy life.. BUT he has a history of aggression if he doesn't get what he wants when he wants it. Now this is just basically putting all the staff that works in that house in danger. He has hit another staff member last week, and is starting to refuse to do things he know he should... and then asking for rewards, such as McDonalds food... roller skating, bowling, to go to the fair... you get the point. Well it is fine and dandy that if he has the money that he be able to do these things, but if we don't have the money for us... then what... and what happens when he runs out of money for the month? Yep we are really going to have a lot of problems with him. I also know there is a lot more going on that I don't know about and other staff don't know about. I am starting to get a real uneasy feeling about this job. I have been there over a month now, and have yet to go to any trainings. I am so frustrated over this. I thought this job would have been a good move for me, but now I am not so sure. I can't afford to quit, and jobs right now are few and far between. On top of all this.... one good thing is this week I am starting classes to be a foster parent. I am really excited about this, yet I am also very nervous to. I don't know if I am getting burnt out, or what is going on right now. I feel aggravated about a lot of things, and just don't know what will happen next... and quite frankly that scares the crap out of me. I don't like NOT knowing.. that is one thing I do not handle very well. I need to know what to expect... what to look for... what comes next. I am just not getting that right now. I have so much to do... I did get Greg his birthday gift, but I haven't got my niece's gifts yet. I also want to get something for my nephew. I will just be glad when Saturday gets here so I can have a day off work.

Its 4 years today...

4 years ago today my world was shattered. September 8, 2004 my wonderful father was called home. He suffered for 6 weeks from liver cancer. I can still remember that day like it was yesterday, it is so hard to believe it has been 4 years ago. I love you dad... and miss you more and more each day.

temper tantrums drive me NUTS!!!

I have been watching the little girl for 3 weeks now. Things have been going really well UNTIL the other day... she is 18 months old and is starting to have temper tantrums. Today she got mad because I wouldn't let her play in either the bathroom or the dining room. She threw herself on the floor starting kicking, screaming and crying. You would have thought someone tried to hurt her or something. I looked at her, started laughing, and told her to get louder that I couldn't hear her. She didn't think it was to funny, but she did stop. These tantrums continue alllll dayyyyyy longggggggg. This is going to be interesting that's for sure. She is now at the stage where she is really fascinated with book. She will get a book, either sit on the floor on in her little chair. and read it from front to back. Never mind that it is upside down at times.. but she does read it.

I also want to bring attention to the blog roll on the right hand side. If you get a chance check some of them out. These are a few blogs I really enjoy reading. go ahead check em out. I didn't list all the blogs I read yet, I don't want to overwhelm you just yet.

Happy Endings... New beginings.

So tomorrow is my last day working for Merkle. I am really excited about this,but at the same time kinda sad. I have worked there for several years and have made friends with some others that work there. I still babysit, and work for Spectrum Support, and will be getting more hours there soon. I am glad to finally find a job in my field, I am leaving Merkle on good terms, in fact they don't want me to leave, but as far as a career, that is not how I want to live. I will make a little more money at Spectrum Support, and I plan on staying there until I get my BA in Social Work, which I hope to have by 2011, WOW that seems like almost forever lol. I start the program in fall of 2009, and it will take me 2 more years to finish. I have to start buying things for my niece for her birthday, and Greg's birthday. It just seems like starting in September is is a never ending circus in my life, and I can't wait until January gets here and things calm down again. Now if I could just win the lotto..... everything would be good....

Hey!!! That phone talked to me !!!

So I have been watching a friends 18 month old little girl. Things have been going really well I must say. My husband called to check in from work... see how things were going... Well Kaylee was in background just chatting away ( don't ask me what she said because all that is understandable is yellow and "welcome"). Anyhow He asked me to give phone to Kaylee.. which I did. I could hear him talking to her. As soon as he started talking, she pushed the phone back to me. With her facial expression like " Hey... I know who was talking... but how did he get in the phone???" I couldn't help but to laugh. I just wish I would have thought to take a picture.

cost to watch baby = 75 dollars a week
Phone bill = 100 dollars a month
Kaylee's face when phone started talking = PRICELESS!!!

New Job...... May be a good move for me

Well I just got home from my first day at my new job. The house I work in has 2 clients living there. Each of the clients have a dual diagnosis. It was a pretty laid back day. There are 2 people working there on the weekends. I did really enjoy myself today. ( Is that even allowed when I am getting paid to be there?)I can't go into detail about the clients, although I don't think anyone who knows me personally reads my blog, I am bound by confidentiality not to divulge all information. Both clients are male.. in their 20's. One is totally non verbal, which can be a challenge. The other client is verbal, which makes it a little easier to work with. The client that is non verbal gets frustrated that he can't express what he wants and what he feels. He is autistic. When he gets to frustrated, he can and does get aggressive. Both clients have a history of aggression though. I will only work weekends there for now, until I finish all the training classes I need, then I may pick up a few more hours through the week.

Funny Farm Bound???

Things here a relatively calm FOR NOW. Starting this weekend I have another job. I will be working with an organization that helps clients with developmental disabilities. I would give more information about this job, but I don't know how much I have to keep confidential. The clients I will be working with are those who have committed a violent crime, but were not convicted because of their disabilities. The client I will be assigned to, there will always be 2 workers in the home at all times. I am also starting to watch an 18 month old during the day m-f. The parents don't want to put the child with someone they don't know, so they asked me to watch her. I will have her from like 6:30 am until about 3:30 pm. I will then go to my first job working M-Th 5-9 pm. THen the weekend job Sat and Sun. 9am-5pm. but THATS NOT ALL....

Starting September 9 I will be starting classes for Foster/adoption care.

go ahead... make the call.... so much going on... they will be taking me away to the funny farm soon.... who wants to join me?

Getting back to "normal"

WOW!!! Has it really been so long since I last posted? Things here have been crazy to say the least. Greg has surgery on his knee, and finally went back to work today. I am sure most people know what it is like to have a man at home all the time. lol. I am still looking for a job, with the economy right now no one is hiring. We were able to visit my brother and his family. It is amazing how fast the kids are growing. One of the best things that has happened since my last post, is Greg has stopped drinking!! It has now been 5 weeks. I did get my acceptance letters from 2 different schools that offer BA in Social Work. Now I have to decide where I want to go. Each school wants 200 dollars to hold my place... and right now that is 200 dollars more than I can afford. I don't know what I am going to do yet. I am going to talk to both schools, and find out more about the financial aid before I make a final decision.

I know there are people that read this blog, and some of who have blogs of their own. I do read a few..... ok a lot of other blogs. I would like to add a blog roll to my page... if you would like to be included in this please leave a comment and let me know. Also let me know HOW to do it lol... yes I know I am blonde.

New presidential canidate

I know its been a while... but I have been busy... I have decided to run for president.. I am doing really well to!!! I was on the news.. check it out

click HERE

Fathers Day

My father passed away 3 and a half years ago. As everyone gathers and celebrates Fathers day, I often take the opportunity to sit back and reflect on what dad meant to me. Dad would always be outside playing with my brother and I. He would help us practice in our sports such as basketball, softball, and baseball. He would do things with us instead of sleeping after he worked an all night shift. When we got home from school, he would be there to greet us, help us with homework, or just sit and chat. There wasn't a time when dad wasn't able to be there when we had games, practices, or field trips. I remember when I was in elementary school, we took a field trip to our state capital. Dad went along with us. Another time we took a field trip to the Gettysburg battlefield. Those are the only field trips I can remember a lot about. I think it is because dad was there with us. When I lost my children, my father cried as many tears as I have. My mother told me, he would often sit on the side of the bed and let his tears flow. He missed his grandchildren as much as I have. That was the very first time my mother has ever seen my father cry. Dad understood my pain, he shared my pain. I can imagine the celebration in heaven today. The celebration for the almighty father. The celebration with all the fathers who have passed before us.

Dear Dad,
Its been three and a half years since I have been able to sit and talk with you. Oh how I miss those days! You have sacrificed so much in order to provide me with the things I have needed and wanted. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you and wish you were here with me. I know your granddaughters and grandson are right there with you, celebrating with you today. I love you and miss you!!

Back in Action

Well I am finally back in action, my laptop is back WOOOHOO anyhow I am still looking for a full time job, nothing yet. I know I promised pics of Jackson Thomas who was born May 14. Without further a due here they are. I am including a pic of what I just finished for him

fast update.

I am getting so upset without my laptop!!! I am so ready to get it back. When I sent it in for repairs, they told me I would have it in 7 business days, well that has come and gone. I called them and the person I talked to hardly listened to what I was saying he just kept telling me " Don't worry about it, we will fix it for you" well HELLO it ain't fixed!! Its on Hold... I want to know what is going on with it. I ended up filing a complaint with the BBB. Not 3 hours later, one of the higher-ups called me. He told me that the people who I have been talking to shouldn't have told me things they did. Their GOAL is to have repairs done in 5-7 business days AS LONG AS THEY HAVE THE PART. Well they didn't have my part, and was waiting for it to be shipped in to them. He told me the part would be in there on June 2. thats right JUNE 2/.....3 weeks after I sent it to them. I am starting to look for a laptop for Greg, but I promise you one thing.... It WILL NOT and I repeat WILL NOT be a TOSHIBA!!!! This has been the worse laptop I have ever owned. It was on sale... had to programs and price range I was looking at. I could have gotten a Dell, or even and HP for a little less money. GRRRRRRR.

I FINALLY made it

I can't believe I made it. Graduation day!!! It was a wonderful day. THe party after was also great. Lots of laughing, eating, talking, just being with family and friends. I wanted to take pictures of the party, but was so busy I totally didn't think about it until it was over. Of course there were people who said they were going to be there that didn't show up, but I am very thankful for those that did come. It may have been my graduation party, but I also think of it as a party not to celebrate my graduation, but a party to celebrate and show appriciation to all those who helped me and supported me throughout my college experience. I got my AAS degree, and I do want to go back and get my BA in Social work, but right now I want to find a job, then I want to go back again. I know it will be a lot more expensive, and right now I just don't have the money.

Tornado Emotions

So much going on right now... Jackson Thomas was born May 14 at 10:18AM. He weighed 8 pounds 12 ounces. He is defiantly a keeper. He is adorable. I may be impartial being the aunt, but he is the most handsome little man I have seen. Tonight I have the awards ceremony at college. Greg isn't able to get off work, so I have no one to take pictures tonight, or to be there with me. I feel like sitting and crying, but no tears will fall. I have so much to do, and so little time or money. I did get some food for the party, and plan on picking up the beer tonight. The closer graduation comes the more emotional I feel. I really wish my mom and dad would be there to see me. I am just so confused right now, I am glad I am graduating, getting my degree. I am nervous about it all also. It just feels like a tornado is building up deep inside me, just waiting to explode, thus the name of the post. I did hear about my laptop, and the parts they need are on order. I can't wait to get it back!!

Gonna have blogger withdraws......

I had to send my laptop in for repair. It kept getting hot and shutting off after less than an hour online. They told me I would get it back in 3 or 4 weeks. I didn't get a chance to save all my links to blogs I read, therefore I won't be able to visit any until I get it back. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO???? I know I know, I can clean house and get ready for the party next weekend. Next Saturday I get my degree. Thursday I get an award. Sunday the 18th is my 17th wedding anniversary. I have to look for a job, and I talked to my brother last night, they are inducing my sister in law this week. UNLESS she has the baby sooner. She is ready, she is 3 cm dilated and 100% effaced. When she was like that for Madison, she had her that same day, ok a few hours later. This is a boy so he is going to be stubborn. I will definatly post pics after I get my laptop back.

Time is Ticking......

Graduation is just around the corner. I have so much to do I think I am going crazy. Greg went to the Nascar race last weekend and he had a blast. I really missed him while he was gone. I called in work tonight to spend another day with him before going back to work. Today I went and picked up my cap, gown and hood from college. I also turned in all the paperwork from my internship. I am really starting to stress about it all. I just hope everything goes well. I worry about everything honestly. I have invited a lot of family and close friends over, some of which I haven't seen for a while. I am excited about that, but want to make sure my house is just perfect before then. I do have a display I have been working on of pictures of me growing up. I got the idea from one of my cousins college graduation party.

I turned in my resignation where I work now. Things are getting really bad there, and I just can't take it anymore. Some of the people are really good to work with, but the supervisors on day shift are making life a nightmare for everyone. I want to start working in my field. I just hope I find something fast. I still haven't ordered food yet. I wanted to get a final count of RSVP's before I do that. I have heard from some people, but others I haven't heard anything from yet. So far I have between 25 and 30 people coming to the party. I am ordering some of the food, but other food I am preparing myself. Now to all my readers...I have a question. This is what I am thinking of having at the party.... is there anything I may be missing?

Chicken Wings
Sloppy Joe
Baked Beans
Chips
Cake
Ice Cream
vegetable Platter
some sort of salad ( potato, macaroni, pasta) ( not sure yet on which one I will make)
thinking of Hot Dog and Hamburgers
Mac and Cheese


Also there will be kids there... so I want to have something here for them. The youngest will be about 1 and the oldest will be about 8. There will be more kids between 1 and 4. I am thinking of getting bubbles for them, but not sure what else I can get. I don't have a large yard, so there isn't a whole lot of room to run around in. I will be going to the dollar store this weekend to see what else I can get.

With all this going on, I wish more and more my parents were here to help me celebrate. I know they are looking down on me, but its not the same.

So much to do.... So little time...

Well I have 3 weeks until graduation and my party. I am getting really excited about it, but also stressed at the same time. I have nothing done yet. I need to get the house cleaned, food ordered, yard taken care of, food I am making. I will be officially done my internship on Monday. It is bittersweet. I have really enjoyed my time there. I have been asked to stay as a volunteer, which I will do until I either
1. find a full time job or
2. they find out if they have the funding to hire me.

They have told me many times, they want to hire me, they just don't know yet if they will have the funding. I guess thats what happens when you want to work for a non profit agency.

Wed. morning I went to an internship recognition breakfast at the college. That was really good. I did receive an award for that. Now on May 5 I have to be at college to get my cap, gown and hood. Greg goes to the Nascar race next weekend, so he won't be here to help me that weekend. I want to have everything done and ready to go with the house and such by the 10th of May. I don't want to have to rush around at the last minute taking care of things. Although I know I will end up doing that. I want everything totally done by Friday the 16th. That day I know I will be running around from place to place picking up platters, food and of course we can't have a party without the booze lol. Although there won't be any drinking until about 8 pm, or whenever the kids are gone.

On another note, my sister in law hasn't had the baby yet. I know she isn't due yet, but she had the first one a month early. I somehow get the feeling, this baby will be born on my graduation day. I am excited about the new baby, but I also want them to be able to come for my graduation. I haven't seen them for a while and I am looking forward to seeing them.

Tagged again

I have been tagged by Denise.




1. Do you like blue cheese? salad dressing yeah, but not my favorite.


2. Have you ever smoked heroin? NO WAY!


3. Do you own a gun? nope, guns only invite trouble


4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? We finally got a starbucks here, Sonic hasn't made it here yet

5. Do you get nervous before doctor's appointments? only when I have to get on the scale lol

6. What do you think of hot dogs? all beef please


7. Favorite Christmas song? Silent Night, and I saw mommy kissing santa claus ( only cuz i really did see mom kiss him.


8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? coffee.



9.Can you do push ups? I can't even push the plate of food away, how do you expect me to push my body weight up and down???


10. What do you order at Starbucks? it recently opened and I haven't been there YET, but will go there soon.



11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? My rings, my locket from my husband, and my charms that have my parents thumb print on them.


12. Favorite hobby? crafts ( crochet, cross stitch, etc etc.)


13. How do you eat your eggs? scrambled.


14.Do you have A.D.D.? only when around people who get on my nerves lol


15. What’s one trait you hate about yourself? My fatness


16. Your eye color? Blue


17. Name three thoughts at this exact moment? I should be working on my paper for my internship.... making sure I sent graduation announcements and invitations to everyone on my list... I can't wait until May 17th!!!


18. Name three things you bought yesterday? hmmm all I bought yesterday was a soda lol


.19. Three drinks you regularly drink? coffee, water, dr pepper.


20 Current worry right now? bills bills bills and more bills


21. Current hate right now? when I told someone about getting the Human Service award, they got mad about it, I don't know jealousy maybe?? they graduated a few years ago.


22. Favorite place to be? any place surrounded by family and/or friends.


23.How did you bring in the New Years? With my hubby.


24. Where would you like to go? on a cruise


25. Name three people who will complete this. Don't know.


26. Do you own slippers? Yes


27. What shirt are you wearing? purple shirt black pants

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Nope


29. Can you whistle? yeah


30. Favorite color? purple


31. Would you be a pirate? no thanks


32.What songs do you sing in the shower? i don't.


33. Favorite girl’s name? Brianna


34. Favorite boy’s name? James


35. What’s in your pocket right now? I don't have any pockets!


36. Last thing that made you laugh? an adult having what i consider a tantrum... see #24


37. Most frequently dialed phone number? My husbands cell and my best friend.


38. Worst injury you’ve ever had? stitches on my chin or stitches near my eye brow when I was little


39. Do you love where you live? ummm no way... I miss the country.


40. How many TVs do you have? 2


41. Who is your loudest friend? Helen!


42. How many dogs do you have? one


43. What are you thrilled about right now? preparing the graduate and getting the award


44. Do you have a crush on someone? If I told ya I would have to kill ya


45. What is your favorite book? too many to name.


46. What is your favorite candy? reeses peanut butter cups


47. Favorite Sports Team? Dallas Cowboys


48. What song do you want played at your funeral? haven't thought about that one.


49. What were you doing at 12 AM last night? sleeping


50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
I need the bathroom, a cigg, and a cup of coffee... in that order...


Now I am tagging...... anyone who reads this blog and has their own blog... please leave a comment and let me know !!

Thanks for all your help and suggestions

Well I have been really stressing lately about what song to play at my graduation party in memory of my parents. I listened to everyones idea. I have really thought long and hard about this. In case you didn't see my last post.. I am receiving an award before graduation. I will get the Human Service Student award. This award is for the person who excelled both in and out of the classroom. I honestly didn't think I would get this award. Last year a good friend received this award, I would have finished then, but due to circumstances, I had to take a semester off. Now without further anticipation. the song I have chosen to play in memory of my parents can be seen here....IN MEMORY OF MY PARENTS What do ya think?

Now the easy part... I am also playing a special song for my husband there. Without him I wouldn't be where I am today.. I will not reveal what I am playing for him until after the party. There are people who read this who I am sure talk to him.

my first tag!!!!

Before I do my tag... please read the previous post if you haven't already. Thanks


Wow I have been tagged.....I have been tagged by http://www.thekrumwiedesix.blogspot.com/

Here are the rules:

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog

2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.

3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.



Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.



Here are my seven tidbits:

1. I just found out I am receiving the Human Services Student award. I will get it on May 15th... will take pictures

2. I have never studied for an exam.... and if i did, I did horrible on it.

3. about 2 weeks ago, I couldn't find my coffee creamer ( I use flavored). I didn't remember using it all, but it wasn't in the fridge... well I found it yesterday.... in the cabinet I keep the dog food and treats lol

4.My mother and father would have been the first one in the entire family... for as far back as we know of... that will have all their children receiving a college degree.

5. It has taken me about 5 years to earn a 2 year degree.

6. I am actually a very shy person... until I get to know you... lol

7. I have always wanted to be in a "helping" profession ever since I was little.. first it was a teacher, a firewoman, a police officer... always helping others..

Here is who I tag
Denise @ http://cameronscorner-nailgirl24.blogspot.com/

http://mom2my6pack.blogspot.com/

and any others who have a blog!!!

What would you do?

I graduate college in just over a month. I have been planning a party, inviting family and friends. This day is going to be filled with mixed emotions, I am so happy I am finally getting my degree, surrounded by my husband, my best friend, and hopefully my brother ( depends on if my sister in law is having the baby). At the beginning of the party I want to play a song in memory of mom and dad. I just don't know which song to play. I know this is a person choice, but I am in desperate need of ideas. Before each of them passed away, I promised them each I would finish college and get my degree. They both even went so far as to tell me, when I am graduating, they are going to be there with me watching me walk across the stage. So if anyone sees a woman look toward the ceiling you can bet, that is me looking toward mom and dad. I wouldn't be where I am today if it wouldn't be for their help also. I really miss them so much. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes just thinking about it. I want the song to be a country song, I know there was one that came out in I think 2004 about rain being angels crying, but I can't remember the rest, or if I would even want that song. Please what in your opinion would be a good song to play in memory of the best mother and father I could ask for?

Emotional Entry.......

I want you to read this post....then close your eyes and imagine it is a story in YOUR life. You have been with the one you love for many years. You each get to start your day. You head off to your job, while you loved one heads off to theirs. You always call each other during your lunch, and on the way home. One day at lunch, that call never comes, you begin to worry a little. They may have gotten busy, not able to take their lunch. One your way home, you continue to call, they don't answer. The worry begins to build. You begin to frantically call your shared friends, they haven't heard anything either. You sit down in your living room, turn on TV, which happens to be showing the local news. Right there before your eyes,the images on the tv screen are of a bad accident from this morning. The images are horrendous. There were fatalities. Then up on the screen, right then, a picture of the love of your life. Now close your eyes and imagine how you would feel.... go ahead....




This is based on a true story of a young man who lives in Florida. Eric Breidenbaugh.His partner was taking his parents in a plane. Click on the link to hear his story. He and his partner have been together 6 years. He wasn't given any information about the accident because he wasn't a "family" member!!! Eric knew something had happened, but was told they couldn't tell him anything.This is absurd! No they weren't married, not that they didn't want to, but because they couldn't get married!! The only reason they couldn't get married is because they are gay. Eric learned of his partners death through watching the local news.

Gay and lesbian couples face these and many other challenges each and every day. They can't talk to the hospital to get information if one is in for care. They can't talk to mortgage companies, insurance companies.If one of the partners die, they may loose everything they have worked so hard as a couple to build. If both names aren't on the mortgage, they will loose their home. Insurance companies won't talk to them. They won't collect their partners social security. They will in fact loose everything. How is this right? How can our society treat people like this. It angers me so much.

I think about the challenges my husband and I had to cross,especially after we first got married almost 17 years ago. The stares we received, the comments made by people who we didn't know. I then think about my life, when people find out I am Bi, the looks, the comments, the almost immediate distance. I get this not only from people who are straight, but also people who are gay and lesbian. When will this hatred stop? I am Bi, but as of right now, I choose not to live that lifestyle, not because of peoples reaction, but because of my deep relationship with my husband. Its not that he doesn't know, he does know I am Bi, and he has supported me from day 1. I have no desire to even think about entering another relationship. I am so very happy with him. I can't imagine a life more happy, more complete than it is at this moment.

Happy Birthday !!

Things are getting better here. Greg goes back to work Monday finally. The agency where i do my internship asked me to have my resume on their desk by 830 Monday morning. I really hope to get hired there. It is a wonderful place to work. The other employees are wonderful. Today is my birthday, and so far it is going well. I have dinner in the oven early because we are going to another friends house to watch the Nascar race later today. I did have a little cry early this morning. I really miss my parents and my grandmother. I feel a little better now, I know they are always with me in my heart. All I want for my birthday is snow. I know it sounds crazy, but I love snow. I love to sit with a cup of coffee and look out the window and watch it come down. But today is sunny and in the 40's here. We haven't really had any snow this year, which is very unusual. Maybe for Easter we can have snow.....

Hard Times... hard times

I am so tired. I am doing my internship as well as working. I get up in the morning drink my coffee, check my email, and listen to the news on TV. I leave the house about 8 am, come home for lunch, then out the door to work. I get home a little after 8. Then I have to get things ready for the next day. Take my shower, set the coffee pot, feed the dog, get clothes layed out. Then I try to be in bed by 1030 or so. I still have a month and a half of this. top it all off Greg is out of work right now because of his knee. He is miserable, he isn't used to just sitting around all day. He isn't getting paid for his time off right now, not until the Dr fills out the paper work. Then his job told him today he needs another paper filled out by a different Dr. He should eventually get paid for the time he is off, but we don't know when that will be.

My birthday is coming up this weekend, all I want is SNOW. I can't remember the last time we didn't have snow on my birthday.... this year they aren't even calling for snow. I know it is an odd request... but its something I love, and doesn't require money. It is so hard on me right now, I am really missing mom and dad. I never dreamt of the day my parents wouldn't be around. SO many things going on and they aren't here to share it with. I graduate in 2 months... something both mom and dad were very proud of me for.

I know I am just ranting right now, and I am sorry about that. I am just frustrated right now and don't know what to do. It seems my world is crumbling around me and I can't stop it.

A Day To Remember.

I know its been a while since I last blogged. I am now doing my internship, plus working. I don't have a lot of time for much more than that. I love the place I am doing my internship at, the only thing I hate about it is I don't get to see Greg much anymore during the week. I really miss our mornings together, and out nights when we get home from work. We were always watching tv, talking, or something, but we were always together and that made me happy. I am basically working 12 hours a day now, so that doesn't leave much time for sleep, shower, and other stuff that I need to do.

June 14, 2000
On June 13th, I had my third blood work done to determine if I was pregnant. It was definatly positive. The numbers looked wonderful. I had to wait 3 weeks before I would get my first sonogram done. A day that would never happen.
June 14th I went to work as usual. A little while after lunch I found I was starting to bleed. I began to worry and totally freak out. Greg and I left work and went straight to the hospital. One day after my final pregnancy test, I was loosing our children.

May 17, 2002
One another note.... I do read other peoples blogs, and with this being leap day, many are using it as a day to remember. A day to remember pregnancys that ended way to soon, and the children we loved and dearly miss. 7 years ago I was pregnant with twins. That pregnancy ended when I was only 5 weeks. 5 years ago,almost 6 years ago, I was pregnant with triplets. That also ended in miscarriage. I remember that day all to well.

Our refridgerator went up, so Greg and I went pricing some to replace it. I was feeling fine, a little tired, but otherwise I was fine. We went to one store, and didnt see one we liked. I felt something strange, and discovered I was bleeding. We decided to go home so I could rest and call my Dr. By the time we got home I was having really strong and hurtful cramps. It was then that I lost 2 of out babies. My Dr wanted to see me, We made the 45 minute trip to my Dr. He did a sonogram and blood work. I was ordered to bed rest. The last baby was close to where one I lost was, and the Dr was concerned I would loose that one. I went home and went straight to bed. I remained there, only getting up for the bathroom, or going to lay on the couch. Where ever I was, I was laying down.

On May 18th,( also our wedding anniversary) That evening, I began to have what I thought were cramps again. I was starting to get worried, scared, frightened. I didn't want to face what was going on with my body. Just like the day before, the cramps were really bad. I could time them, and they were consistant. Every 2-3 minutes. They would last about a minute and a half. This vicious cycle repeated many times.

May 19th, 1:30 A.M.
The pregnancy was over. I lost our last child.

I know there are some people who don't think of having a misscarriage as loosing a child, but within those 3 days, I lost our children. 2 girls, Alisha Nichole and Katrina Rennee, and our son Greg Jr.

They were a part of me, and my wonderful husband. I will never forget how they looked... yes they had already developed arms, legs, a head and torso.

I have lost a total of 5 children.... 2 of whom was really early in the pregnancy. I guess since I carried the triplets longer, and had so many of the pregnancy stuff, It affected me a lot more and a lot harder. My last pregnancy I had "morning" sickness all the time except in the morning. My belly was growing, and I would spend countless hours talking to them.

It is hard to imagine what my life would be like had my children survived. 2 kids almost 8 and 3 kids almost 6. I do think of my children a lot, asking those all to familiar questions..... "what if...."

I can only wonder and dream....

Valentines Day

It was a good day. Greg surprised me with gifts in my van while I was at work. I got him a dixie horn for his truck ( something he wanted for a while now), I also took balloons and a little teddy bear and put in his truck at his job. This is something we have done for each other for years now. We take things to each others vehicle while at work. What a great surprise during break or when we get off work.

I took him to the Drs on Wed. They did a chest xray-- found an enlarged heart. They are doing a breathing test right now. I am waiting on him to get home now.

I am still having trouble getting into an internship. I called another place today to try to set an interview up on Monday. Just have to wait and see I guess. My next semi big "adventure" is next friday when I have a cyst removed from my neck. It will be sent off and biopsied.

Primary Elections

Well today was primary elections. The weather was horrible. It was snowing, sleeting, and freezing rain almost all day today. I did make sure I was able to vote before I went to work today. I always hear people complain about what is happening with the government, but when asked, they don't even vote. What????? People want to complain about something, they have a say in, but they make excuses as to why they don't go out and vote. When I went today, I was there less than 5 minutes. There was no line, I was in and out. It took longer to park the van, than it did to cast my ballot. The results aren't in yet, the polls stayed open an extra 90 minutes because of the weather.

Happy Birthday!!!!

Today is my mothers birthday. She would have been 57 years old today. She is one person I will always consider my best friend. There were many many times when we would sit and talk for hours on end. We talked about anything and everything. There was nothing I couldn't tell her. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. I miss her so much.

Almost Better

Well I am feeling a lot better today finally. I haven't had a fever today. I tried to do a little laundry and cleaning house. I think I was doing to much to soon, I started to get a migrane headache. I hope I start feeling a lot better soon, and stay that way. With the weather the way it is, I just don't know. I had to take 2 days off work, and that is really going to hurt my paycheck. I have off on the 13th with Greg for his Drs. appointment, then the following Friday I am off because I am having a cyst removed from my neck. I am really worried about that for some reason. I just need to do things to keep my mind off of it.

I hate missing work, I feel so guilty when I am not there. I guess after being so sick, it will take me a few days to build my energy back up to where it should be. I was also able to eat today finally. Now to get rid of my cough and my headache and I will be good to go for the night.

Sickness season

I have been sick almost a week now. I have been trying to take over the counter stuff for it, but ended up today going to urgent care. I found out I have bronchitis and the flu. I have been running a fever on and off all weekend. I have no energy and my whole body aches. They did give me some antibiotics and some cough syrup, so hopefully I will start to feel better soon.

I am still waiting to work on my internship. I am going to interview at Head Start for that. I should be able to finish before May, so I can still graduate. I am also starting to look for a job for after I finish. There is one juvinille facility that is hiring( they are getting ready to reopen). I downloaded the application and am in the process of filling it out.

One thing I did accomplish this weekend was taxes. Now I don't have to worry about it for another year.

Will update again when I am feeling better.

Manic Monday

I had to leave work early today, I couldn't stay out of the bathroom. I feel fine, just seem to need to check the bathroom very often. I am still waiting to hear from my professor about my internship. I am starting, well ok I am getting more anxious and worried about it. I talked to a friend of mine who had her baby a week ago. The baby was starting to improve for a while, but yesterday made a drastic turn for the worse. The Dr. told her there is a chance the baby will not make it. I hope and pray the baby will prove them wrong. My friend had another son pass away when he was 7 weeks old. I just don't understand. My heart goes out to her. Please keep my friend and her son in your thoughts and prayers.

Slow Sundays

WOW, what am I suppose to watch on TV today. No football game, Nascar hasn't started yet. Greg is watching some movies on Sci-fi. I am trying to work on laundry. I do plan on cleaning house today. I am trying to make changes on my blog, want to add links to other blogs I read, if I figure out how to do it, and I want to get permission to share those first. I can't believe how fast the weekend goes by.

Some Days are better than the ones before

Things here have been crazy. I am busy trying to start my internship. I had an interview at the juvenile detention center, was offered, but had to turn it down. If I were to go there, I would have to quit my job. I am now waiting to hear about another possible place to do it. Work is he** right now. They are changing so many things and some of the bosses are total assholes. They are moving to a new building, and are making new rules as they go along. When we get to the new building, anyone caught smoking will be fired. It don't matter if you are in your car or not. The only time we are able to smoke is during our lunch break, and we have to leave the property to do it. Half of the night shift smokes. Almost all of them have said they will get fired the first day we move.
Greg has had his tests done, and now we are waiting on the Dr. to get back with us to tell us the results. I try not to think and worry about it to much, but it is always in the back of my mind.

Calgone take me away !!!!

Some people have "one of those days", well it has been one of those weeks for me. I have been trying to get registered for my internship, and get things in order there so I can graduate in May. I only have to do 165 hours this semester, but trying to even start is like pulling teeth. On Top of all that, Greg went to the Dr this week, they can't get his blood pressure under control yet. He is on 4 different pills a day, some he takes 2 times a day. They now say he needs to be on inhalers. The Dr said she thinks something is preventing his meds from working right, his blood pressure is still really high. They ordered more blood work, and other tests to try to find out what is going on. They now say he has COPD, but that won't mess with his meds working. So I don't know. He goes to see a specialist on Feb. 13th. The Dr also said something may be wrong with his kidneys or even the liver. I am so worried about him. I try not to let him know how worried and scared I am, I don't want him to worry and make his blood pressure go up even more. I am now getting migranes almost daily because of the added stress. I will be fine once we find out what is going on, and how we can make it better. On top of all this our dryer belt broke and we dont have the money to get a new one, so I wash a load of clothes, and hang them in the bathroom to dry. I don't think I will ever catch up on laundry. This weekend I plan to just relax at home, get some cleaning done.

CAN YOU HEAR ME????

I have waited for this day all week. The Cowboys were playing for the divisional championship. I can't believe how many penalties were called!!! I sat here yelling and screaming at the TV, why is it they never listen to me???? Final play of the game.... need a touchdown to win the game and BOOM lets throw it where there are 2 opposing players covering just ONE of our guys.... INTERCEPTED!!!! Cowboys have played the giants 2 times this season...both times beating them. I sure hope there are some cowboys who loose their job tonight. So many stupid errors!!!! Now I am FURIOUS!!! they should have won that game... but NOOOOOOOOOOOOO lets see how many penalties we can have called against us.....


Oh well at least I have Nascar season starting again soon.

Life is so UNFAIR

Well the weekend is finally here. Nothing planned really except to watch football games. As for the reasoning for the title.... Last night I got off work early. There wasn't a lot of work, so I finished what I had to do and left. A few people from work was getting together to go out. I couldn't go with them, I didn't have the money. While I was sitting here, I sent a text message to one of the friends from work. I found out that another one was fired tonight. After I found that out, I had to call... no more texting. They fired her saying she stole money. This is OUTRAGEOUS!!! She is not the type of person to do this. She has been working there a few years and busted her ass for them. They have cameras up, but I don't think they are working. She is upset about this.... along with many other co-workers. From what i know... she did put some money in a feedback tray... told the supervisor about it.... and didn't think anymore about it. Well the money came up missing. Anyone could have taken it. There are many people who have access to the tray. Everyone knows where it is....anyone could have taken it. But since she was the last one who was known to have it, they fired her over it. If your dealing with large amounts of money, each and everyday, you have cameras up everywhere, please explain to me, why the cameras are not turned ON???? This place has money disappearing all the time, HELLO!!!! make sure the cameras are ON!!!! The company is loosing one hell of a worker over this. I just don't understand this. Each year, at this time, there are always people fired. Always for the same reason...stealing money. Some people are talking to the one who was fired Friday, telling her to get a lawyer about this. I really hope she does. Not to get her job back, but to not let the company continue to do this. This person wouldn't do anything to jeopardize her job, its not the best job in the world, but its a job. I have worked at several different places over the years, and I must say this is the worse job I have ever had. They are totally unorganized, a total lack of communication, and of course the bosses have their " picks" and it is very noticeable. Now I am not saying all this because I like the person who was fired, we have had our differences before. I have known others who have been fired, and I totally believe that yes, they did steal from the company. The one who was fired would do anything for anyone, she would give you the shirt off her back if you wanted it. I have worked there 5 years, and off all the people who they have fired, I can honestly say there are only 2 people who I think were fired who shouldn't have been. I really think the company is setting people up, who they just want to get rid of, just to get rid of them. I just hope this person gets a lawyer involved in this. I KNOW she didn't take the money.

Thoughtful Thursday

At times I am reminded how unfair life is. Not long ago I started reading different peoples blogs. I read some of those who are undergoing fertility treatments, hoping and praying they have better results than I did. As I sit and think, my second attempt, and first positive pregnancy test. That baby was due January 14th 2001. After my third beta test, it was discovered I wouldn't have that child. I know there was a chance of multiples, and at times wonder, if it worked, would there have been 1 baby, or maybe 2 or 3. While I read these other womens journey, I cheer when things go right, but i also shed tears when they don't. It breaks my heart. I know how painful it is to want a child, to go through so many invasive treatments, you dream and have such high hopes. When all of a sudden BOOM your world comes crashing down around you. I would look around and see women that are pregnant everywhere I went. Women having many kids without a bit of trouble. I live in a town that has an abortion clinic just a few blocks away. It breaks my heart seeing a woman go in. Knowing what happens. Why is it so easy for some women to get pregnant, while others its an unreachable dream. I know I have other options, and yes I still want to adopt when I finish college. The child may not have grown below my heart, that child will grown IN my heart. I haven't even started, but the love as already started to grow. Greg and I have talked about it, and we know who we want through when we adopt. I did contact them before, and still have the paperwork of things we have to do. There are so many kids out there who are unloved and unwanted. I can't wait to open my home and heart to them. I may have to eat these words later.... but I can't wait to get frustrated with mischievous behavior, change diapers, teenage rebellion... but also the fun family stuff there is. I don't want to mention names or anything, but I want to urge everyone who reads this to think about someone who is worse off then they are. Pray for them.... If you can't think of anyone.. pray for all those who are hurting, suffering, and facing challenges that may seem unbearable.Pray for those women who are going through fertility treatments, those who both received good news and bad news. Pray for the children that are suffering from life threatening illness and pray for the families who stand beside them. Pray for the children who don't have a "forever home". In this country there is so much hurt and pain. There is always someone who is worse off than you are. Tonight my thoughts and prayers go out to my family, my friends, those that are suffering and are hurting, those who have had dreams shatter right before their eyes, and those who are still reaching for their dreams.

Speaking of that. I want to update on my sis in law. She did have the procedure done, and is on bed rest for at least 2 more weeks. She is now almost 22 weeks. I just hope everything stays the way it is, I feel as though I am holding my breath and won't be able to breath again until she gets past 32 weeks. The Dr doesn't even know if she will carry that long. Right now they just want to get to 26 weeks, when the baby will have a chance. They are aiming for 32 weeks. Madison was a month early and she is healthy. I just hope this one is also. I am going to start buying things for him very soon. It is me or is it easier to buy for girls than it is boys. With Madison, I knew exactly what i wanted to get her and when.... with the little boy I am almost clueless besides trucks, and of course i have to make sure he has a football. He will have a Dallas cowboys football and clothes... hope they don't mind lol they don't want football, my sis in laws father is a Ravens fan... I just can't see my nephew wearing purple clothes.. Blue is a much better color... good reasoning works for me lol.

Midweek...

This week has been uneventful really. Work sleep work sleep work sleep. Fun fun lol. Well today we are getting Dish Network. They are hooking it up right now. After they are finished i get to go to work. Its crazy nothing really blogworthy just wanted to let everyone know i haven't dropped off the face of the earth.

Christmas Part 2

Today was a wonderful day. Greg and I went to visit my brother and sister in law and niece to exchange Christmas gifts and spend time together. We had a wonderful visit. I can't believe how big Madison has grown. Everything went well. We all sat and talked, I got on the floor to play with Madison a while. At first when we got there, she was still napping. When she woke up and my brother brought her downstairs, she didn't know who we were. It has been so long since we were there. It did hurt that she didn't remember us, but after a while, she became comfortable. She started talking, and laughing and playing. I tend to think the presents has something to do with that though. We will be going down more often, I don't want her to not know us or remember us. Right when we were getting ready to leave, she gave Greg a hug, then came over to give me a hug, she got on my lap, and started playing with my necklace, It has 3 charms on it. one is my fathers thumb print, one is my mothers thumb print, and the last is a locket Greg got me 2 years ago for Christmas. I told her they are grandma and grandpas finger prints, and they love her very much. If mom and dad were here, they would be so very proud of her. I swear that kid is so smart. She is only 2 years old, knows how to count, knows her colors, when she is playing with her toys, she even puts them away when she wants to play with something else.

My sister in law is doing well also. The procedure Friday went very well. We talked about that a little today also. The Dr said she has to stay on bed rest for 2 weeks then she should be able to return to work. She is showing a little bit. Madison knows she is going to have a baby brother, and I can already tell, they are going to have their hands full with one very jealous little girl.

Man whats going on?????

I must say Friday was a really crazy day. I go to work as usual, everything seemed to be going fine. Not a whole lot of our work, but plenty of day shifts work we had to do. I was working, and someone came in from break and said the parking lot was full of fire trucks, cops, I mean it was light up like a CHRISTMAS TREE. It seemed like forever (although it was only about 20 minutes) that we found out a suspicious powder was discovered in an envelope. Work proceeded as usual in the building. Only those that were within 6 feet of the envelope were evacuated. After being there over 2 hours, everyone was given the all clear, and they to were back inside working. Here is a link to the news story. http://your4state.com/content/fulltext/?cid=14814 . I must add, they do know who sent it, the person put a address label on the envelope and even had their name and address inside with their donation to the particular organization.

It was payday, so on my lunch I had to go to the bank. I also had to grab something fast for dinner, so I went to McD's.

My sister in law was having surgery done to stitch her cervix, and I was worried about that all day today also. When I got home I found out everything went fine and the Dr was opptimistic that it will be a success.

Ya know how you sometimes get a feeling that something is really wrong, but you don't know what it is? Well I had that feeling really bad last night when I layed down in bed. I don't know what it was. Greg came home from work and started watching TV. ( normal) Dog was fine, he was sleeping beside me. I just don't know what it was. I was tossing and turning in bed, woke up enough to say hi to Greg and talk to him a few minutes. He asked me what was wrong, I was all over the bed and wouldn't stay still. Poor man ended up sleeping in the recliner, he didn't want to disturb me. Now I feel bad about that. I could understand if something was wrong, but as far as i know now, everything was fine, I just couldn't stay still and sleep. I was sleeping, but was kicking and hitting the air A LOT!!! I think I will go out and buy breakfast this morning for him having to sleep like that.

Tomorrow we will be going to my brothers to visit and also do the Christmas exchange. I am giving them my old laptop since my sister in law is on strict bed rest, and I will be helping them get that together and working. I will also get to play with I mean spoil our niece. I am excited about that.

I have also started to really think about doing foster care after I graduate in May. I am also looking into a program I recently heard about. There is a program where Ukrainian orphans visit for a few weeks. These children are up for adoption also, but the programs goal is to basically give the kids a break from the overcrowded orphanage. It does cost to participate in this program, but I feel it is for a good cause. This is the organization that deals with that...http://www.frontierhorizon.org/

2007 in review....

I honestly believe in order to improve the future, you must learn from the past. I know I just started blogging, but want to take a few minutes to reflect the past year.

January.
Mom recently passed away, so we were busy getting the condo ready to put on the market. I never realized how much stuff people accumulate over the years. I wasn't working, so I was able to spend a lot of time doing what I needed to do. It was a very depressing month.

February
AHHH the month of love. We had all the flooring replaced in the condo. then put it on the market on the 19th. Greg and I didn't really do a whole lot to celebrate Valentines day this year. I continue to watch my niece grow so fast.

March
I decide to go back to work. I couldn't handle staying at home all the time. I am used to working. ( wonder what I will do when I retire lol in ummm 35 years. This is also my birthday month. Greg and I both took off work.... but we had a bad snow so we stayed in and watched tv.

April.
Easter... We went to spend it with my brother. We were so blessed to be as a family that day. It is one of my fondest memories of the year. Madison had her first Easter Egg hunt... At 17 months old.. she would find an egg, pick it up.. and say what color is was. She only missed one... She is so smart. I was amazed. She knows her colors already.

May
Anniversary month... Well this month is another that flew by. The begining of the month, we signed a contract on the condo... Giving 1 week before closing. Yep. Greg and I were still there, and had 1 week to find a place, pack and move. We did find a wonderful how. It is 4 bedrooms, 2 baths, nice backyard for the dog.. but more than we want to pay for rent. But we are happy and we are together. Moving day... got up early, had everything packed and ready. Loaded the moving truck. and the other vehicles we were using. I drove the van. Got the the house, trying to hurry, closed the van door... but my hand was still in it. I never knew a door would totally latch closed when a body part is in the way. The following week was my anniversary, and Greg and I enjoyed a nice dinner at home. We didn't really want to go out to celebrate this year.

June.
The beginning of summer.. Not much happened. Greg spent many weekends at the dragstrip. Greg did run one weekend, and came in 3rd place. I was so happy and so very proud of him.

July
We had a few picnics with friends. We were both busy with work. Not much time to do anything else.

August
College started up again at the end of the month. So I was busy getting everything, including myself ready for that.

September
This is a very special month to me. It is Gregs birthday and also Madisons birthday.
They were having a party for Madison, and we of course went to that. It was wonderful to spend time with my brother, sister in law, and Madison. Early in the month, I went to my first Nascar race. I had a blast. This was part of Gregs birthday present. The second part of his present was going to see Gretchen Wilson in concert. This is by far the best month I have had this year.

October
College was in full swing, and work was busy. We didn't do anything for Halloween, we were both working. Although Gregs job has slowed down a lot. They are facing layoffs, and a drastic cut in hours.

November
Thanksgiving.. I made dinner and we invited friends over. We had a great time. Work for me was very busy. Greg was laid off 2 weeks, and is now only working 4 days a week. College was crazy. Lots of papers, had at least 2 due each week almost the whole semester.

December
Memorial service for our kids, and mom, dad and grandma. I look forward to this service each year. This is when I can celebrate Christmas with them. Christmas at home, I made dinner for Greg and I, and we also invited some people over. College has ended for the semester. I was so glad it was over.

Although it wasn't a totally fun filled year. It had its ups and downs. I am grateful for each and every day I have to spend with those I love. May 2008 bring more happiness and prosperity.