Wednesday, December 24, 2008

In Memory of Mom....

I wanted to get this post out before tomorrow. I have gone through this time line for 2 years now. I know exactly what I was doing and what time 2 years ago today. I will share that with you all
Dec 24.
5AM-- got up, and started getting Madison's Christmas stuff together.( had to blow up a Dora ball pit thingy)

7AM-- Break time.. sat and drank coffee with mom and also ate breakfast.

9AM-- time for a shower and get dressed

10AM-- doing last minute things before my brother, sister in law and Madison came to moms for Christmas Eve. ( It was planned ahead of time that we do Christmas at moms house on Christmas Eve)

11AM-- Jimmy and them arrive. we exchange gifts, eat, talk, laugh, and play with Madison

2PM-- Jimmy and them leave. Mom and I lay down for a nap...

4PM-- I wake up, Greg was playing his xbox, mom was still sleeping

5PM-- I try to wake mom and ask her what she would like for dinner, she told me she didn't feel good and didn't want anything right yet

6PM-- I have checked on Mom several times, I do start getting worried.

7PM-- Mom calls me back to her room, says she is hot, fan is running on high, she wants to lay on tile floor to try to cool off,... she was not totally with it, I couldn't keep her awake. I start asking her to go to the ER, and she says no, she doesn't want to.

7:30 PM-- Mom is getting worse, I can't keep her awake at all, I decide its best to call the ambulance. Only thing she would say is about delivering Christmas gifts to the neighbors.

8PM-- They take mom to ER, I call Jimmy and let him know whats going on. I also deliver the gifts to the neighbors.

9PM-- I get to the ER.. Dr tells me mom is "very very sick". They did blood work and were doing more. They said she had an infection somewhere.

10PM-- The Dr says they are admitting her, by this time, mom was in severe pain... kept yelling " OUCH", she wouldn't respond to me or anyone else by this time. I call Jimmy to let him know what is going on. He comes to the hospital.

12AM-- Jimmy and I are talking while standing by mom. We are both really worried. They haven't got moms room ready yet, and said it may be a while longer. So we leave the hospital. we both tell mom we will see her in the morning and that we love her.

I go home, and try to get some sleep. Greg and I decided I would get up early, run to the hospital to see mom, come back, make Christmas dinner, and take Christmas to mom depending on how she felt.

Dec 25

8 AM-- I wake up and call the hospital, mom is in her room, but didn't answer the phone. I call and talk to the nurse. She said she just left moms room, gave mom her meds, which she took fine. She also said mom was up and talking to her. She asked if I wanted to talk to mom, I told her no, but to please let mom know I was on my way over and would be there soon.

830AM-- I get to the hospital, and couldn't remember what room mom was in so I had to ask. I got up to moms room, which was FULL of people. There was her nurse, a Dr, and several other people I have no clue who they were. The Dr came over and asked if I was related, I say yes, and she literally pulled me into the hall way. and told me mom had just passed away.

I totally lost it, I started screaming and crying. I managed to pull myself together to call Greg, and to call Jimmy. I was there what seemed like forever by myself with mom. I did talk to her, I cried, I hugged her. We decided we wanted an autopsy done to find out what happened. Even the Dr didn't know.

12PM-- we leave the hospital and head home. We all sat down, and talked, we knew what mom wanted. We gathered her life insurance. We notify the rest of the family.

3PM-- Jimmy left to go be with Denise and Madison for the remainder of Christmas.

4PM-- Through tears Greg and I opened our gifts. We each had 1 special gift from mom that neither of us know what it was. mine was a precious moments angel.

5pm-- We havent eaten anything so we knew we had to to, all I could manage to eat was a bowl of cereal.

after dinner, Greg and I talked, laughed, cried, and held each other. It was the worse Christmas anyone could ever imagine.

I miss mom more than words can describe. I thought it would get better or a little easier with time, but this year is so much harder than it was last year. Although last year I was on an anti depressant, and this year I ain't.

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