At times I am reminded how unfair life is. Not long ago I started reading different peoples blogs. I read some of those who are undergoing fertility treatments, hoping and praying they have better results than I did. As I sit and think, my second attempt, and first positive pregnancy test. That baby was due January 14th 2001. After my third beta test, it was discovered I wouldn't have that child. I know there was a chance of multiples, and at times wonder, if it worked, would there have been 1 baby, or maybe 2 or 3. While I read these other womens journey, I cheer when things go right, but i also shed tears when they don't. It breaks my heart. I know how painful it is to want a child, to go through so many invasive treatments, you dream and have such high hopes. When all of a sudden BOOM your world comes crashing down around you. I would look around and see women that are pregnant everywhere I went. Women having many kids without a bit of trouble. I live in a town that has an abortion clinic just a few blocks away. It breaks my heart seeing a woman go in. Knowing what happens. Why is it so easy for some women to get pregnant, while others its an unreachable dream. I know I have other options, and yes I still want to adopt when I finish college. The child may not have grown below my heart, that child will grown IN my heart. I haven't even started, but the love as already started to grow. Greg and I have talked about it, and we know who we want through when we adopt. I did contact them before, and still have the paperwork of things we have to do. There are so many kids out there who are unloved and unwanted. I can't wait to open my home and heart to them. I may have to eat these words later.... but I can't wait to get frustrated with mischievous behavior, change diapers, teenage rebellion... but also the fun family stuff there is. I don't want to mention names or anything, but I want to urge everyone who reads this to think about someone who is worse off then they are. Pray for them.... If you can't think of anyone.. pray for all those who are hurting, suffering, and facing challenges that may seem unbearable.Pray for those women who are going through fertility treatments, those who both received good news and bad news. Pray for the children that are suffering from life threatening illness and pray for the families who stand beside them. Pray for the children who don't have a "forever home". In this country there is so much hurt and pain. There is always someone who is worse off than you are. Tonight my thoughts and prayers go out to my family, my friends, those that are suffering and are hurting, those who have had dreams shatter right before their eyes, and those who are still reaching for their dreams.
Speaking of that. I want to update on my sis in law. She did have the procedure done, and is on bed rest for at least 2 more weeks. She is now almost 22 weeks. I just hope everything stays the way it is, I feel as though I am holding my breath and won't be able to breath again until she gets past 32 weeks. The Dr doesn't even know if she will carry that long. Right now they just want to get to 26 weeks, when the baby will have a chance. They are aiming for 32 weeks. Madison was a month early and she is healthy. I just hope this one is also. I am going to start buying things for him very soon. It is me or is it easier to buy for girls than it is boys. With Madison, I knew exactly what i wanted to get her and when.... with the little boy I am almost clueless besides trucks, and of course i have to make sure he has a football. He will have a Dallas cowboys football and clothes... hope they don't mind lol they don't want football, my sis in laws father is a Ravens fan... I just can't see my nephew wearing purple clothes.. Blue is a much better color... good reasoning works for me lol.
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