Monday, December 24, 2007

1 YEAR AGO.....

Sitting here thinking of everything that happened one year ago today.

My brother, sister-in-law, and niece came up to visit to exchange Christmas gifts. They left about 2 pm. We had a wonderful time together. Mom was happy. After they left, we decided to take a nap. I woke up about this time. Mom was still sleeping. Greg was playing his xbox games. At 4, I started to think about making dinner. I went and woke mom enough to ask her what she wanted for dinner, she told me she wasn't hungry yet. I told her that was fine and asked her if she was ready to get up yet. She told me she was tired and just wanted to sleep a little more. There were plenty of times that we ate dinner late, so I wasn't alarmed. I continued to check on her every so often. At 6pm, my uncle ( my fathers brother) called and asked to talk to mom. I took the phone back to her, but she said she didn't want to talk, she wasn't feeling well. I started to get concerned, it wasn't like her to not talk to him when he called, they only talk about once a month. At 7pm, I was sitting in the living room watching tv, Greg was still playing games, and mom was still resting. Greg ran out, and told me mom was calling me. I went back to check on her again. She was laying in bed, it seemed she was trying to wake up. She told me to help her into the bathroom, she was hot and wanted to lay on the cool tile floor. I told her I didn't think that was a good idea. I turned on her fan, and her light. She didn't look right to me either. I felt her forhead, and she seemed a little warm. I took her temperature, and it was a little high. By this time, I was having a hard time keeping her awake. She kept going to sleep. Her skin was moist and clammy. I started to get concerned and asked her if she wanted to go to the hospital. She told me no, she didn't want to go there. I spent another 30 minutes with her, and I really started to get worried. She couldn't stay awake, and seemed very confused. She said her stomach really hurt. Greg stood there with me the whole time. I made the decision to call 911, I knew something was really wrong, but I didn't know what. While we waited for them to arrive. I tried to get mom dressed. She couldn't stay awake and couldn't help me at all. She was still laying in bed, so I got her dressed as best I could. The ambulance arrived and came back to the room. They checked her vitals, I can't remember what her blood pressure was, but her heart rate was 160 bpm. They told me with her heart rate that high, and her continued falling asleep, they would take her to the ER. I helped them get mom ready to go. I told her I would be there soon. After they left with mom, I called my brother and told him what was going on. Mom and i also baked cookies and made fudge for her neighbors. I made really fast deliveries with these. I then got ready and went to the hospital. When I got there, they were already working on mom. They put a line in her leg to draw blood and run IVs. They also did some other tests. 2 hours later, at 10pm they told me she had an infection in her body, but they didn't know where. They were going to admit her to run IV antibiotics. They told me, mom was really sick. I could tell by the way the Dr acted and the way he talked, it was very serious. I went out and called my brother, told him what was going on, and he then came to the hospital. We stayed until about 12:30 am, and they told us they were just waiting on a room, and would be moving her soon. Mom was laying there, and it was very obvious to us, she was in extreme pain. Mom laid there moaning, and groaning. This was very unlike her normal behavior. After we left, my brother told me he would be up in the morning. We then left. I got home, shaken up a little, but knew she was where she needed to be for the night. I did get a little sleep.

Christmas Morning 2006

I woke up at 8 am. I called the hospital first, and talked to the nurse taking care of mom. She told me mom was awake, and able to talk. She was answering the questions that was asked. She asked me if I wanted to talk to mom, and I told her no, just to please let mom know I would be there soon, that I was getting ready to come and see her. I hung up the phone, called my brother and told him what was going on. He said he would be at the hospital about 10am. I told my husband, I was going to the hospital, to check on mom, find out what she wanted packed, and would be back to make dinner so we could take it to the hospital and eat with mom. I got to the hospital at 8 50 am. I went to moms room. When I walked in, I saw a defibulator. I was really mad about seeing this. I knew mom had a DNR, why was that in there, plus the nurse told me mom was awake, talking a little and getting ready to eat breakfast. There were also about 5 or 6 other people in there, and the only one I recognized was the Dr, and the nurse from moms previous visits. The Dr practically ran over to the door, asked if I was related, I said " yes, I am her daughter" I was already in the room, could see mom, but was starting to get confused as to why all these people were in moms room this early on Christmas morning. The Dr litterally pulled my shirt sleeve when we were in the hallway, the Dr looked at me and said " I'm sorry, your mom just passed away" I started to SCREAM!!! All that would come out of my mouth was NO NO NO NOT TODAY...NO MOM NO MOM NO MOM NO" The nurse was standing right beside me the whole time, and she held me up, my legs were giving out from under me. She held me, and cried with me. She asked if there was anyone she could call for me. I told her no, but I needed to call my brother and my husband. I called my husband first, told him to get to the hospital, that mom was gone. After hanging up with him, I called my brother, told him he needed to get to the hospital NOW, he asked what was wrong, I didn't want to tell him over the phone, but it just came out. Mom was gone. He hung up, and I went back to sit with mom and talk to her. I told her I loved her, How much she meant to me. and told her she got her Christmas wish, she was with dad and grandma again. I promised her I would keep my promises, I would finish college, and I would also make sure Madison would remember her grandma. I told her All I would ask of her at that time was to give my kids, my dad, and grandma a hug and kiss. tell them I love them and miss them very much. I told her she didn't really have a chance to be a grandma here on earth, but she was now a grandma to my kids. She could spoil them all she wanted and spend each day with them until we met again. I know in my heart she is now happy. She isn't in pain anymore. She is happy. Mom joined dad, grandma, and my kids, on a wonderful day, Jesus birthday. What a wonderful gift. Mom NEVER asked for anything for Christmas. That was the first year mom ever asked for anything. It was something I was not able to give her, something only God could provide. As much as I love and miss her, I also feel a little peace knowing that her one and only Christmas wish was granted.

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