Private posts...

There are some things that I want to say... but want to keep it private ya know password protected so only those whom I allow to read it can... problem is I don't know how to do this.. can someone please tell me how.. Thanks

The day after.....

I had a nice chat with Greg about things that are bothering me last night. Let me tell you... I feel a whole lot better already. I know the situations haven't changed, but my thoughts and feelings have. I feel more relaxed,and more confident in myself. I guess it did help a lot that I didn't have to work last night to, a much needed time to relax and get my thoughts together. I am still really nervous about the foster care classes that start tomorrow. Will I make a good parent? Will I know how to handle the children that come into our care? Will I like the child or better yet, will the child like me? Will I be able to help make a positive change in the childs life? Will the child feel good being in our care? Will they feel safe and loved? How will I handle if a child leaves our care to go back home? Will I be betraying our children who are not with us by caring for another child? There are so many thoughts and questions I have for myself. I have spent many years thinking about this, praying for an answer in what to do. I feel this is what the Lord has planned for us. Somewhere out there, there is a child who is waiting on someone to adopt them. They may have siblings ( which if offered we will accept also), there will be issues that need to be addressed. But even with everything... they are still a child... a child looking for somewhere to call home.... a forever family. Tomorrow is also my nieces 3rd birthday. I can't believe she will be 3 years old already. It seems like yesterday she was born. Now the only thing left for me to worry about BESIDES the presidential election ( and that is another post) is my other job. I know the Lord has a plan in store for me....I just wish I knew what it was.

which way is up???

There is so much going on in my life right now. I love watching Kaylee through the week, she is usually really good. But there is also a lot of confusion. My other job, with Spectrum Support, is starting to get to me a little. The main supervisor for the area has resigned, and the house lead person is now also looking for another job.... why?? because a higher up from the company has been coming up every week.... All I know is that one of the clients has been told... and we have been told... that he can do what ever he wants. I can understand this TO A POINT. He needs to be able to do things, and enjoy life.. BUT he has a history of aggression if he doesn't get what he wants when he wants it. Now this is just basically putting all the staff that works in that house in danger. He has hit another staff member last week, and is starting to refuse to do things he know he should... and then asking for rewards, such as McDonalds food... roller skating, bowling, to go to the fair... you get the point. Well it is fine and dandy that if he has the money that he be able to do these things, but if we don't have the money for us... then what... and what happens when he runs out of money for the month? Yep we are really going to have a lot of problems with him. I also know there is a lot more going on that I don't know about and other staff don't know about. I am starting to get a real uneasy feeling about this job. I have been there over a month now, and have yet to go to any trainings. I am so frustrated over this. I thought this job would have been a good move for me, but now I am not so sure. I can't afford to quit, and jobs right now are few and far between. On top of all this.... one good thing is this week I am starting classes to be a foster parent. I am really excited about this, yet I am also very nervous to. I don't know if I am getting burnt out, or what is going on right now. I feel aggravated about a lot of things, and just don't know what will happen next... and quite frankly that scares the crap out of me. I don't like NOT knowing.. that is one thing I do not handle very well. I need to know what to expect... what to look for... what comes next. I am just not getting that right now. I have so much to do... I did get Greg his birthday gift, but I haven't got my niece's gifts yet. I also want to get something for my nephew. I will just be glad when Saturday gets here so I can have a day off work.

Its 4 years today...

4 years ago today my world was shattered. September 8, 2004 my wonderful father was called home. He suffered for 6 weeks from liver cancer. I can still remember that day like it was yesterday, it is so hard to believe it has been 4 years ago. I love you dad... and miss you more and more each day.

temper tantrums drive me NUTS!!!

I have been watching the little girl for 3 weeks now. Things have been going really well UNTIL the other day... she is 18 months old and is starting to have temper tantrums. Today she got mad because I wouldn't let her play in either the bathroom or the dining room. She threw herself on the floor starting kicking, screaming and crying. You would have thought someone tried to hurt her or something. I looked at her, started laughing, and told her to get louder that I couldn't hear her. She didn't think it was to funny, but she did stop. These tantrums continue alllll dayyyyyy longggggggg. This is going to be interesting that's for sure. She is now at the stage where she is really fascinated with book. She will get a book, either sit on the floor on in her little chair. and read it from front to back. Never mind that it is upside down at times.. but she does read it.

I also want to bring attention to the blog roll on the right hand side. If you get a chance check some of them out. These are a few blogs I really enjoy reading. go ahead check em out. I didn't list all the blogs I read yet, I don't want to overwhelm you just yet.